I’ve been doing quite a bit of coaching around dating lately. While having fun with clients on this topic….I was also surprised. The more I partner with clients on this incredibly important part of their lives….I’m realizing that it makes sense that I’m able to help…..looking for a job and dating are not so different.
Here are my Top 6 Tips for finding a job or a date:
1. Online is happening….like it or not. If your under 40….your response to this is…DUH….and you can skip down to Tip 2…..but let me talk to the over 40 somethings for a second. I know it seems intimidating and like a tremendous amount of work. I get that it feels shallow and not fair…..and if you haven’t figured out that I’m talking about both dating and the job search yet….I am. What you need is a shift in perspective. Remember when you carried your business cards everywhere and had fights with your boss on who exactly owned your contact list. Now take a deep breath and be grateful that LinkedIn has ended all of that. You have countless opportunities to companies and past work colleagues. This creates leads for awesome jobs and helps recruiters find you…..can you start to look at this as exciting? And what about dating….how about the law of averages going up? Could you have met the amount of potential dates that Bumble sends you at the club on Thursday nights after Seinfeld? Wow…I’m getting old. But seriously, who wants to be out that late anymore…
2. If you aren’t “All In”…..It shows. I get a lot of calls from people who are incredibly frustrated with their careers and they always say….”I’ve looked and there are no good jobs or I sent 3 resumes and nothing or I did that ONE interview and they never called me back.” I usually discover that they are still window shopping a career change and haven’t jumped in with both feet. And I know people hate to hear this, but it’s the same in dating. Coaching is a great way to figure out if you are subconsciously holding yourself back and to determine what you most want. Fear is usually a big one….fear of starting a new job…..fear that you will end up hurt from a relationship again.
3. Is your best out there? This tip ties closely to #1 and #2. Do you have great profile pictures for your online presence? Why does it matter for the job search? If you want to be a VP….when HR looks you up online….and they will….your pic better say VP. We are living in a visual world and you are a visual girl…I mean applicant….gotta love 80’s Madonna! This should be more of a given on the dating sites….but Oy Vey….the screenshots my clients send me….what are you thinking? Is that really your best photo? Have someone take nice photos….I beg you…..Call us here at Windley Works to help…..this is for the most important relationship of your life! When you are ready to be “All In” take the steps to put your best out there. Have your interview clothes dry cleaned and your ‘date night’ outfit ready.
4. Desperation kills your chances. We all know how unattractive desperation is on a date. It’s the first cue to RUN…..and it’s the same in a job interview. If your feeling desperate about finding a new job, the interviewer will feel it. I have so much empathy for this. It’s such a natural human experience. Often, we wait too long to start our job search and have good reasons to feel desperate. Seek a coach for support in building your confidence and trusting that the right job and the right mate always show up at the perfect time.
5. Whose Interviewing who? Clearly on an interview, you want to make sure you toot your horn and highlight your accomplishments. But in both dating and interviewing….it’s your wants and desires that matter. You don’t really know a company and their culture before an interview….are you sure you want to work there? How about this person….sure they are hot and obviously work out….but will you ever get to see them in between their Cross-Fit classes? (I’m just jealous of you Cross Fitters…keep up the good work) Make sure you interview as much as your being interviewed? Ask key questions that matter to you. My one caution on dating is to save the more intense questions for future dates….keep the first date to fun and chemistry testing. More on dating next month when Windley Works launches the ‘Red Hot August Dating for Love’ Series.
6. Flirting and Charm is not a dying art. Our best interviews and dates are when we find a personal connection. I believe flirting and charm build connection. Not sexual flirting…what I’m talking about is the ability to smile at key points, to time a good-natured joke or self-deprecating comment, and to be a small talk master. Do you know someone who was just born with charm? No….you don’t….charming people just make it look that way. That person practices flirting and charm and pays attention to find great timing in conversation. They prepare and have an arsenal of small talk topics. Mostly…they put the spotlight on others and that is where they find the personal connection.
So, what do you think? I know you all have lots of advice on dating. Have you compared the job interview to a first date before?? Please join the conversation in the comments.