Okay, so I’m totally taking sides. I’m 100% Team YOU. And, because I’m Team YOU, I can’t jump on the blame train. I know it helps to vent and I will listen. I will make an occasional joke to lighten the mood. I will agree that it’s mostly the other person’s fault but I can’t criticize them with you. I won’t help you plot revenge. I will agree that it’s not fair and I will full heartedly hold your hand through the ugliness of it all.
After a rant or two, I’m going to ask you to stop trashing the other person. Why? They are dreadful, terrorizing even. Sure, maybe. Yet for every ounce of energy you are wasting railing against this person, you are giving away your power. You are digging yourself a deep hole into hate and despair where you become powerless. Is there a worse feeling than powerless? Yes actually, feeling hopeless.
Because I’m Team YOU. Hopeless doesn’t get a seat at the table because I will support you in closing the door on powerless. Take the focus off this person and put it back on you. You are the only one you have control over.
Let’s look backwards. As adults, we always have a choice. We can end up in abusive situations, I know I have. Sometimes I was in a fog and couldn’t see my choice to be in the situation until I woke up later in the middle of the misery. Yes, in some cases I had been manipulated by very savvy characters. During those moments, just because I couldn’t see my choices, doesn’t mean they weren’t there. Sure, we can be taken advantage of. Someone might show up to exploit our vulnerabilities and naivety. I’ve certainly had reasons to point my finger at others and well, did point my finger. Calling a bad character bad is okay when we also take full responsibility for ourselves and our own role in co-creating the hell. Because the second we take responsibility, we have the power to change the situation.
See, when I can admit that there were signs. Signs that I chose to ignore or truly couldn’t see. When I take responsibility for not listening to the warnings, it makes me soooo much smarter going forward in my life. When I stop trashing the other person, I remind myself that the situation has taught me lessons that are priceless for my future. Lessons for how to protect myself, speak up sooner, and to KNOW deep down that I deserve better.
Being coach of Team YOU, I want you to take back your power from persons and situations. Accept that you did have a part in what happened. Even if it was simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Most importantly you are completely responsible for yourself and can make any changes you want. You can believe in yourself. Remove yourself from situations and unhealthy people. You can do this! It starts with stopping the revenge plotting and finger pointing. Find people who want to help you move forward and find solutions. Hire a coach. Accept the lessons and do better going forward. Don’t ask others to take sides. Ask others to join you in being 100% TEAM YOU!