Pride: Hi Journey, I hear you’re seeing a coach. What’s that all about?
Journey: I want to move forward and reach my goals.
Pride: Why would you pay money for that? Don’t you realize how weak asking for help looks, let alone if people find out you’re paying for it. Life is about sucking it up!
Journey: Coach warned me that you would talk like that.
Pride: Let me guess what else she said. Garbage like you can improve your life with subtle changes, awareness, and a desire to want to be better. Completely pretending like reality isn’t difficult and some people are just luckier, richer, and better than others.
Journey: Why do you always have to bring up ‘being better than someone else?’ Like when I wanted to take that part-time job to pay off my credit card debt?
Pride: OMG, seriously … this … again? Do you know what people would say about you working at that health food store on the weekends? Why would you want people to know you clearly can’t manage your expenses?
Journey: What are you talking about? The credit card debt is from the unexpected home repairs and that medical situation. How on earth is that about my money management skills?
Pride: Rainy days are part of life, you know you should have been prepared and had more money in your savings. Everyone else on the planet is clearly able to manage their money better than you are.
Journey: That’s true, WAIT, NO, NO, NO … You always do this to me! It’s just a temporary part-time job and everyone cares more about themselves than they do about me anyway. They won’t care at all that I have a second job.
Pride: You are forgetting how much people love to gossip and feel like they are better than everyone else. You are too good for that job. You don’t need people thinking that you’re less than you are. Just make the minimum payments on your credit card and continue to save face.
Journey: Coach says that all that saving face and worrying about my debt every month might give me wrinkles. Wouldn’t 6 mos to a year of a part-time job be better for my mental health?
Pride: Easy for this coach to say, she doesn’t have to look your neighbor in the eye and see the pity. And how about that fact that you are in your 40’s and SHOULD be way passed having to bag someone’s vitamins and do customer service work, it’s beneath you. Why would you ever agree to so little pay?
Journey: Coach said to watch carefully when you use the word SHOULD…
Pride: This woman sure has a lot to say about me. She’s clearly forgotten how much I have helped her.
Journey: She doesn’t hate you. She knows that when you’re being healthy that you are wildly helpful and esteem boosting but when you start comparing, judging, and standing in the way of taking risks … YOU become the problem.
Pride: So, now I’m a problem for you?
Journey: When you talk me into hiding, not asking for help, and constantly keeping me small and weak due to what others will think … ya, I guess you can be a problem.
Pride: What’s wrong with being tough and independent?
Journey: Trying to be the ‘tough guy’ has kept me from recognizing my real strength. Pretending that I don’t need anyone has kept me lonely. There’s a fine line between independence and resilience versus a community of like-minded people who I can lean on and give to.
Pride: How are you supposed to get ahead if you’re giving away everything that’s yours? Who’s giving to you? You have to take what’s yours and hold on tight. And you never want to be a receiver, talk about looking weak.
Journey: No, I’m not falling for that trick. Giving AND receiving with grace is how I want to be. I know you think I shouldn’t need anything but it’s receiving occasionally that allows others to feel good in their giving. It’s a circle of give and receive. It’s how we build community and joy.
Pride: Looks like you have it all figured out…
Journey: I’m working on it, good talk.